Money is one of those funky subjects that no one really
wants to talk about (not even to their therapist!), but should (at least to their therapist!).
There are lots of reasons we don't talk about money but really, at the crux of the matter is that we don't want to be judged harshly for the money decisions, and sometimes mistakes, that we've made due to our behaviors.
Let me share with you five "truths" of money and how I've helped clients break through these taboos to help them reach personal growth in terms of their money psychology:
- You and Money Have a Relationship and a History Already, Mostly Learned in Childhood
We learn based on modeling and no where is modeling more embedded than in our childhood memories. We've all learned myriad lessons in childhood about money and it's importance in our own self-worth. Think back to the comments, even some very off-hand, that your parents said about money that, for the most part, you may have just accepted and not given much thought like some of the most common, more overt, like: "If you work hard, the money will come.", "Be grateful for what you have.", "You're lucky to have a roof over your head." "Take care of yourself first; no one else is going to." However, it's when we examine these scripts in greater detail and recognize the underlying message that we begin to understand their effect on our behavior that may be holding us back from our true potential, like it you work hard, the money will come. Well, yes, but this says nothing about finding your passion and doing what makes you feel alive and vital. The script is limiting by its design.
- Money Isn't Logical
Money isn't logical, it's emotional. Money, or rather how we make and spend it, affects how we feel about ourselves, our self-worth, our partner or spouse, our place in society. In my work with wealth advisors and financial professionals, I impart a very unusual concept: Even those who are comfortable financially face emotions that can be limiting, and lead to resistance and other behaviors, when it comes to investing and planning for retirement, business succession and relationships with adult children.
- Money is Transitional, but Deeply Embedded
We all face, and ultimately conquer, the money transitions in our lives, just like the life transitions we face, and many times, accompanying them. Let me share a short story with you: My parents divorced when I was 15; almost overnight my mom went from being pretty much comfortably middle-class to poverty level. Neither of us were prepared for the drastic changes that were to follow. Indeed, the standard of living for a divorced woman drops an average of 27%. What happened to us? We adapted, adjusted, modified, learned from our mistakes and we overcame these challenges. But ultimately, the fear and insecurity that money came to symbolize has had a lasting effect.
- Money Mindfulness is Critical to You, Your Partner or Spouse and
Mindfulness is a state of being conscious and aware. Money mindfulness, being truly conscious and aware of how we make, spend and save our money means examining on a deeper level, the emotions, feelings and thoughts that affect that behavior. Establishing the foundation for a long, successful and connected relationship from dating to pre-marital coaching to the beginning years of marriage is our goal with these Intensives. A critical piece to your long-term success, both as an individual and as part of a couple, is your relationship with money: That is, your Financial Behavior and how you feel money should be earned, spent and saved. When your behavior is not in sync with your needs and goals, feelings of disconnect and loneliness can occur. In this area of specialty, I help you explore the internal messages and scripts that affect your very real day-to-day level of happiness and feelings of financial security. Please visit the link above for more information on my expertise in Financial Behavior and the Intensives I offer for individuals, couples, therapists and financial professionals.
Nearly every relationship can benefit from meditation! Whether your primary relationship that you're developing is with yourself through Personal Development or an intimate or social relationship, you have needs that must be met and strategies to be developed that help you meet those needs and goals. Mindfulness meditation helps you obtain clarity and focus.
- Most Therapist Don't Specialize in Money Mindfulness
Even if we resolve our money difficulties, without introspection and a true understanding of money's emotional and psychological effect on us, those difficulties can return and the success in overcoming them can be unsatisfying and short-lived.